How is your posture?
In a recent episode of the French TV programs, la Grande Librairie, the rabbi Delphine Horvilleur was invited along with the author Dominique Eddé regarding their respective newly published books. Early in what was supposed to be a conversation and a dialogue between the two authors, Dominique Eddé said (I am translating): “We have a lot of words available to us, very few reach their destination”. Her sentence stood out not only because of what it meant in the context of which it was spoken, it also echoed with one of my current themes of reflection. I have been thinking about the words we pronounce, or write, that don’t land, that miss their target, that are misinterpreted, that are received (if at all) in a completely different way than what was intended. The moment something is out, we have no control over whether or not it will reach someone and how. Nonetheless, there is something peculiar to our words, thoughts or insights not reaching their intended destination, especially when we take some care to deliver them in what could be considered a clean way. This remains true when speaking to an individual or a group of people. So much is lost. Like a stray bullet, but less dangerous I suppose, since there is no risk of impact. It takes a certain will, strength and maybe a dose of faith to say the words anyway. Notably those words that come from a deeper place, words that are ours and not ours at the same time, words that aren’t necessarily easy to form and that we make a conscious effort to deliver in a considerate manner. In communication, but not only, both the content and the container matter. If the container (the delivery mechanism in this case) is poor, the content won’t land. In the exchange between the two authors, Delphine Horvilleur’s words and questions, no matter how accurate and relevant, weren’t heard nor answered and they didn’t reach Dominique Eddé. A faithful illustration of her counterpart’s point.
In the midst of what turned out to be a tense half an hour of television, Delphine Horvilleur continued with her words that didn't land with Dominique Eddé who she had agreed to speak with. Ultimately, her words will land with some others, we simply don't know who. The point though is that she didn’t back down or retract herself, she even started one of her sentences with: “I think and I have the deep conviction…”. These few words on their own and by themselves expressed that she had a “posture”. She was taking a stance. In actual fact, she was not just announcing but also defining ideas and facts which, joined together, were indicating that she had a position, a backbone and that in it she was stable and anchored. In French we have a word “porte-parole” (spokesperson) which literally means: the one who carries the words. Delphine Horvilleur is the embodiment of someone who is her own “porte-parole” first and foremost, even though through her status she also carries the voice of others. She stands for herself and her beliefs without mistreating or disrespecting the opposing view. She is willing to analyse the different sides of an argument, to look at the other view points without abandoning hers. She does so whilst not being heard, sometimes attacked and shown little respect. It takes courage, a strong sense of self, self worth and self esteem to have a posture, to stand firmly and remain centred when your words aren’t listened to, understood or are misused. Having a posture is not about having an opinion, an emotional response, an identity shakily splashed around with the maturity of a toddler with fingers on the tantrum trigger. Nor is it about staying silent for the wrong reasons. It is also not about hiding behind the vacuity of “feel good” words and smoothed sentences to keep everyone at ease in the comfort of a soothing echo chamber. Posture isn’t easy and it’s probably why it tends to be either avoided or criticised. There is a prolific French philosopher who writes daily on social media who I saw many times commenting on her own writing by saying it was expressed “without posture” - as if posture was bad, reprehensible and of moral low ground. The truth is that it’s a lot easier to not have a posture than having one. It’s also misery’s fastest route.
We live in a society which, by and large, cares and seeks out ease, comfort and feeling good to the point that the opposite is often rejected. In one of his videos, the French astrologer Luc Bigé says, and I am paraphrasing, that there is no point doing personal development work in a group setting (e.g. a spiritual retreat) if it’s teddy bears hugging unicorns in fairy land. The point he is making is, more often than not, personal evolution and growth not only takes effort but also a certain amount of discomfort and sometimes confrontation. Looking exclusively for the “feel good” leads to bypass and avoidance and certainly not to transformation and liberation. Many people aren’t enthusiastic about the idea of befriending discomfort even though they love sharing and shouting their moments of “stepping out of their comfort zone” like it’s a badge of honour that needs to be witnessed. Social media is a line up of virtue signalling content in the form of comfort zone outing, kindergarten style, where everyone is expected to clap and send some supportive and acknowledging hearts emojis. Validation feels good, doesn’t it? But what happens when we do the uncomfortable thing, also the thing that is right as per our principles and values, and no one sees it, and it doesn’t go the way we hoped. We step out of our comfort zone and it doesn’t go well and we are propelled in the deep end of our growing edges for having dared being brave. That is for sure not comfortable, and no one is cheering. Except maybe our soul does, because in this moment, consciously or not, we are doing the work, to evolve and to mature through our lived experience. Sometimes we are in a rut, and there isn’t any good reason I can think of to not name it and not own it for what it is. It takes a different level of consciousness to raise and carry on forward from there. In itself, that is courage, the kind that is often quiet and that builds internal posture. The kind that is inspiring even though going through it simply isn’t pleasurable.
Thank you for reading.
Mahé