Therapists have shitty days too
Today is the last day of June and we’re all, consciously or not, bathing in the Cancer new moon energy of yesterday. My husband had to get up at 3am for a work meeting. This never happens, but today it did. In the meantime, in the middle of the night, our dog got up too, shook, drank, reorganised his bed, then applied himself to snoring and farting, because why not when you can. Following this, I had the weirdest dreams imaginable and by the time I got up, I had skipped my morning routine altogether. I was feeling rubbish and black tea did nothing to turn my state around. I am on intermittent fasting so I could not even consider sugaring my mood because no food allowed until midday. Totally self imposed misery.
By mid morning, I proceeded to go to the post office which is only open two hours per day on Thursdays (go figure) to send my dad something he needed urgently. Envelope, mail, insurance and tracking cost me 10 euros, for something that weighs nothing and will travel a few hundred kilometres within the same country. My brain and wallet both thought it was ridiculous.
In the time it took me to drive back, DHL spammed me no less than 6 times across SMS and emails to tell me I had to pay “taxes and customs” for a package from Australia to be delivered here in France. The price they wanted to charge me amounted to 100% of the item’s purchase price which, by the way, was advertised by the sender as “free international shipping”. I considered calling DHL but they charge to pick up and speak to you. That’s a no for me.
At lunch time, I received a SMS from my phone provider telling me I had exceeded my normal monthly allowance by roughly 20 euros. My plan is supposed to cover all of Europe and I know for a fact that I hadn’t called anyone outside of Europe in the last few days. So I called the provider ready to share my “love of service providers ripping me off one after the other” mood. Long story short: I have a dual SIM card and by accident I had called my husband using the wrong SIM card and dialled him on his overseas number and consequently got charged insanely high international fees for it. 100% “avoidable” and a total fuck up on my part. I was fuming and was beyond upset with myself.
For good form and to make sure the trend of the day wasn’t broken, my Australian bank didn’t seem to have any bank statements available online today, when I needed them.
By that point I was ready to break something or dig a hole to bury myself in the garden for an indeterminable amount of time. Had I gone ahead with that plan, I am sure my dog would have happily joined the digging party since he got in the shit for starting his own the previous evening. On a positive doggy note, his kibble got delivered today at the time it was supposed to. So by all accounts this dog seems to be doing just fine and has some food guaranteed to be served in the coming weeks.
So what now? What does a therapist and energy healer do when a shitty day presents itself?
Therapist or not, and although factually it wasn't the end of the world, to me it felt like it was a bit much and threw me into a spin for a few hours, during which time everything felt crap. Context matters though. This happened during a time when I haven’t been sleeping well for days and have accumulated lots of fatigue, we have just moved back from Australia to Europe which isn’t a small thing and I am in that hormonal phase of my cycle where any level of patience disappears. So needless to say, my system was primed to react more than respond.
So what do I do?
Initially, I keep myself to myself, contained, so that I don’t splash over anyone. It was clear that the vibe emanating from me wasn’t delightful. My dog was hiding in the garden and probably napping in the sun. My husband was also napping and making sure he wasn’t anywhere near me until the tornado passed. In other words, they were both nowhere to be seen and that’s usually a sign.
Do I cancel clients? It’s a legitimate question given my profession. Today happened to be an admin day /no client day. There was a part of me thinking it’s perfect but on the other hand I would have preferred to focus entirely on someone else’s personal bumps in the road and less on my own. So back to the question; it depends. It’s situational. If I am not fit energetically to give a good session, I know it and I postpone. Having said that I find that it often completely bypasses my own state because it’s not about me and it’s not my personal energy doing the healing.
I reach out. I am part of a chat group containing two friends and colleagues with whom I do swap healings. I obviously don’t always reach out to vent and allow myself a five-minute pity party but I know it’s available. I actually have a pity party playlist on Spotify believe it or not. Today I checked with my friends before I vented and asked if it was okay to do so. Which of course it was. One of them said to me in her own recorded message: “Big hugs but also great karma clearing !” And then she cracked up at her own statement. I laughed too. Turns out the third person in our group was having a day that seemed even worse than mine and in the moment it gave me some perspective, made me forget about DHL and want to be there for her. Had I not shared what was going on for me, I am not sure my friend would have spontaneously done the same. So I am glad I did because we could support her.
I don’t do any energetic or spiritual work straight away. When things are too raw for me to sit down, do a self-healing, meditate or anything of the kind, I just know it will have to wait a bit. So in the present moment, I made myself tea and I started to write this post because I have just finished reading a book called “show your work” by Austin Kleon. It’s all about sharing your process and your work. Both things I forever struggle with. So I added a challenge to the challenging day which is publishing what you’re reading now.
I like having a pick-me-up until I can do the serious work. It can vary but today I sprayed my office room and myself with the Sun Moon Room Spray by Alexis Smart and I used some of her herbal remedy - I am a fan of her products and of her. Check her and her magic blue bottles out.
I mentally acknowledge the things that actually went well. Today, in hindsight, there were a few. I paused and felt into them and sent gratitude to those and to the people involved. It’s simple and it helps soften the edges. But to reiterate, I can’t do this straight away either, I need time first.
I focus on family. Later that day I walked the dog with my husband and we all played together. I laughed when I realise my dog's harness and lead were matching the colours of his blue and orange rubber ball - “his precious”. Seriously though, what was I thinking… Later on in the evening, I finally did a meditation on the sofa and my 30kg boxer laid down on top of me and fell asleep. That washed away any remaining bits of upset I was still holding onto.
The one thing I don’t do is to try to numb down or avoid how I am feeling. For a great part of the day, I felt pissed off and ripped off. I gave myself permission to sit in it in the knowing that it wouldn't last forever.
The takeaway. Even when we have the tools, the education, sometimes we find it hard to use them. I know that for me some time and space go a long way so I am not rushing through the process. The process itself is situational and mutable and while I go through it I am not trying to fix me nor to fix my day. I am not expecting anyone close to me to do that for me either. I do however always call on “my spiritual team who loves me unconditionally” to surround me and support me.
Thank you for taking the time out of your own day to read this. I hope you’re having a fine day and if you’re not, to quote a dear friend: “big hug to you and well done for clearing some karma”.